Its funny how weird time goes… how weird time progresses, how sometimes time speeds by, and how other times, it feels like it I’ve been thrust forward in time. There are also times where my life feels… Hazzey, foggy, like I know that I am the active participant in my life, but like I am looking at everything, milliseconds after it happens, and through a dense fog.
I honestly expected Friday to be the hazey day… with seeing my surgeon, getting told my final yes (and yes… it was a final yes! Just waiting on insurance now!)… but that day, Friday, is crystal clear, the little details of my life, they are clear as a bell. I remember waking up… being so scared I was going to be late, not being sure of how traffic was… and then going over in my mind the days schedule. I remember getting in my car… the feel of the vibration under me… and feeling lucky that traffic wasn’t bad, but then finding the hardest time to a parking spot. realizing the elevator was broken, but knowing I would be fine with the bridge on my way back. Going into the office, signing in… and not being able to understand a word of what the woman at the front desk was telling me… this is when the slight panic set in… what if I wouldn’t be able to understand the doctor… what if I made a fool out of myself, what if I didn’t understand things, so my surgery was off… then I remembered… they were suppose to have an interpreter show up for me… the panic settled a bit, I apologized to the woman and told her that as soon as my interpreter showed up, I would be able to answer her questions, but because she has braces I wasn’t able to understand a word lipreading, that I was just going to sit down until my interpreter showed up. She kept talking, and my mind was thinking of the worst possible scenarios… oh the interpreter wasn’t going to show up things like that, which for someone who is Deaf and uses ASL as their main form of communication, and for something as huge and as potentially scary as this… it was horribly frightening. I sat down, a woman walked in the door and was pointed towards me, she started signing… this is when the panic completely subsided… I realized I would be fine, I had my great comfort, my great understanding, my language with me, and that is all I needed! As it turned out the woman was trying to ask me about pharmacies, and was telling me my interpreter was here, just in the bathroom… I got absolutely NONE of that… if I had to put words or sounds to what I got, what I understood, it would be… “ajdsflkzjfka dhglkafdg”
So then I filled out the paper work the impossible lady to lipread handed me, and we waited… and waited and waited. Finally, almost 30 minutes after my appointment time, I was asked to come back. They told me that normally… they would redo the testing that had been done the last time I was there… but because of my wonderful responses (or lack there of) they saw no reason to torture me any further with that… but they did need to do a tympanogram, which feels kinda odd… but I’m use to them. They push air into your ear, and measure your ear drum responses. Ideally… it should look something like the middle one (and that is what my ear ALWAYS looks like, unless i am very sick)…
so after that, they sent me back out into the waiting room… to… well as the room imply… wait… and wait.. and wait some more. Finally it was my turn to go into the office with my surgeon… and to my horror… there was a chair in the room that made me want to run away and cry… it looked like I was in a dentists office (and for those of you who don’t know… my biggest fear… more than spiders, more than ANYTHING [except loosing my family] is DENTISTS)… I almost started hyperventilation… but I calmed down… as soon as my interpreter started signing… and I remembered… this doctor, he is not a dentist… he is not someone who likes to cause large amounts of pain to someone while they are still awake… he is not going to drill into my teeth at all (just my head). After a long conversation about how wonderful my CT scan looked, and the request at me getting blood work done to figure out if there is more of a reason my hearing jumped off a cliff in the last year… he said yes. He told me to get on the schedule, then found out I am already on the schedule, and was thrilled, because now… now my surgery will be in July… activation will be in July, instead of surgery being mid August (where they are at now), and activation being September, and me having to miss school… so forth. So I have added more to my list of things I need to do… including, getting a pneumonia shot… that somehow will prevent against meningitis… and getting the blood work he requested (both of these are going to be done this Weds).
I also got new impressions for my ear molds taken on friday… or shall I say ear mold (because my right ear is going to have a CI, and not a HA soon), which hopefully I can pick up weds as well… not too sure on the time frame there.
But like I was saying… I remember almost every detail about Friday… but then it is Saturday that turns into a Haze for me… I still remember it… I still worked… I still did everything I was suppose to… it was just… hazey… I felt like I was living in a fog… the day flew by… then slowed to a crawl… and repeated and repeated, and repeated.
Sunday, we went to Denver Pride! It was fun, it was hot… oh… and I forgot about this magical thing called sun screen… so I got burned. We walked around… I got told that I look like a singer… informed them I was deaf, then found out one of the people in the group, she is a CODA, actually… a first generation hearie, so we chatted for a while, and it was absolutely wonderful to be able to sign with someone… but when I came home… I was whiped from the day. It felt like we had been there for hours upon hours… when really, it turns out, we were only at pride for a little over 3 hours… not the 6 it felt like.
Time… I know I’m going in circles… it feels like I have been stairing into this…
and that time is all wibbly-wobbly… timey-wimey… nothing is liner, but that… space and time is folding into wacky shapes, so that I never know what is happening next… Hopefully I will get MY computer back soon, and things will be better… and I can actually update after something happens, rather than having to wait a while… though Friday’s memories are still fresh in my head… with time being silly… I don’t know how long they would have stayed like that.