Waiting… Just Waiting

I am waiting to hear from my CI office to see when I can go get a CT scan… the sooner I can get the scan, the sooner I can get into an appt with the surgeon, meaning the sooner I can have surgery. I didn’t think that I would be so interested in having the ability to hear something, even if it is beeps… even if it is Charlie Browns Teacher, even if it sounds like I am “on the mother-ship”…  Don’t get me wrong, I am still happy to be Deaf, to be deaf, and a CI will not change any of that. I will still be a Deaf person, I will still use ASL to communicate… but maybe… just maybe… navigating the world, the hearing world around me, my work, and even some of my family. Though my family is learning my language, their main form of communication… is still speaking and listening… mine is not.

I was hoping that I would be told today that my CT scan was approved… I don’t really see what they need to approve anyways… because I have to pay for it out of pocket anyways… up until the $3,000 deductible… and we haven’t paid up to that yet… so it is going to be out of pocket. What does insurance need to say yes for, if we are going to pay for it anyways. I Hope I hear on Monday, because then I can get it scheduled.

They said that scheduling with the surgeon would probably take about 4 weeks, and I’m not sure yet if that is after I get the approval for the CT, then I can be sure to make the appointment, or if I have to wait a full 4 weeks after the CT… and how long will it take to get into the CT scan… as I really only have one day that I can do the CT scan a week, because of work. I only have Wednesday and Sundays off work… and they don’t exactly do CT scans on Sundays…

I am going to have to send an email to Johnnie at Rocky Mountain Ear Center to see if she has any update… on the CT scan or on if I can schedule an appointment… or what I have to do…

I am very anxious… very excited… and very nervous… I am still scared that I will hate it… I’m scared that I will love it… I’m scared that I won’t understand anything… even after working at it… I know it will take work… I know that it will take time… I know that it will be frustrating… but my hope… that it will be worth it and eventually ease my frustration in the hearing world… but I will still, forever and always be Deaf, be deaf… as a friend of mine said… “you will still be deaf, but you can hear some.” And that is the truth. When I had more hearing, I was still deaf, and the CI… it will just give me some more hearing…

I saw a video today… of a CI activation (I’ve been watching them… the Adult activation videos…though sadly… very few had captions) and one of them I saw… I recognized the audiologist in the video… she was Allison Biever… so that was interesting to see… but it would be nice to actually… know what she was saying… All for now… going to bed, I have to work tomorrow.

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